Free-spirited soul, happy & glee, What a beautiful lie she weaves! Ambitions she has, that she chases, But that’s just one of her phases. Every moment, her colour changes, She pretends to be perfect, But in reality, she’s deranged, Her insecurities run deep within, She trusts no one, not even herself, Her mind is a pool of negativity, She’s filled with toxic insecurities, So, she cuts herself to get rid of it. And you say you love her, Like she’s the light of your life, But how can she light up anything, When her insides are rotting? How can she give you anything, Besides headache and miseries? Oh, darling, you fell in love, With a girl not worth loving.
I saw your eyes, so filled with grief, I took you in my arms, forgot my pain, Poured onto you all of my love, Gave you my heart, body, and soul, I knew I would never be put first, But madly in love, I settled being second.
You told me how much she meant to you, Oh, how she broke you, leaving you all alone, I let you shed your tears upon my shoulder, And watched you save her last bus ticket, You carried it everywhere in your wallet, As I swallowed my grief, didn’t give you a hint.
Then, somebody else entered your life, You called her Venus, an embodiment of Aphrodite, You brought her to the bed we made love in, You told me how delicately you undressed her, That’s when my heart could take it no more, Tears ran down, and you said nothing happened.
Madly in love with you, I believed you, And some months down the road, There was yet another woman in your life, You showed me her nudes, and all your sex talks, Then, you told me that she meant nothing, That was lust, and I’m the only one you loved.
In rage and heartbreak, I kissed another guy, I thought I’d come home and tell you all about it, But what happened was more than just a kiss, He touched my soul the way you never did, We talked in lyrics, and poured out our worries, Oh, how, I almost fell in love with him.
Fast forwards, five years and multiple affairs later, I opened my eyes, and then I realized, My flesh and bones were the only things that mattered, Yet, my heart craved for you, beaten and battered, Somewhere deep within, I knew you loved me, Is it my disillusion? Or do you love me?
But, nothing matters now, does it? I’ve made up my mind, I’m walking away.
As I delete your phone number I wish I could delete the memories too. Then I wonder, how cool would it be If everything was so easy.
If I could block the pain, the hurt, the misery And download positive vibes and lots of joy. Undo all the mistakes And live life full of second chances.
Wouldn’t it be so amazing, If we could format our lives too? Start afresh with a clean slate And no baggage dragging us down.
You hopped into my life out of thin air, like rainbow without rain in a sunny day. And like any normal person, I blinked, not once but twice, thrice and so many more times I lost count. But there you were, unmoved with a vow to be there. I’ve seen you all through my life, but getting romantically involved with you wasn’t there in my thoughts. Not even in my wildest dream. You were just there, a familiar stranger always in my sight, but never in my life. And that was great, you are a great stranger.
But we talked, we went on and on. Almost all day and night, it was fun and I loved it. Little did I know, I’d be addicted to it. I had long lost my hopes for forever and always, my broken heart saw a little glimmer with ‘one day at time’ with you. It was nice, until I realised my own heart had tricked my mind. Cause when I said ‘one day at a time’ I didn’t mean only one day. I meant ‘one day at a time for the rest of our life.’ It was crazy when I realised it cause I had long erased those words and hopes for it from my mind. Well, at least I had tried. A futile effort, to save myself from another heartbreak.
No no, you didn’t break my heart. I wouldn’t let you. So when you came up with lamest of excuse I believed it. You said you have a weak internet. Okay, but a weak internet and being super busy may stop you from replying fast, or even within a day. But days went on and I waited. I waited and waited, to the point it almost broke my heart to keep waiting. You told me not to wait, but how could I not, I was addicted to you. You were always on my mind, and I needed to get you out of it. Cause, your thought, the need to talk to you drove me insane. I kept checking my inbox, hoping to see you reply. You were on the top my mind, and top of inbox; haunting me with your silence.
So, I did the only logical think I could think of. I pushed you down. The old friends I didn’t talk to, families I lost contact with, and all the people I lost touch with, they all crawled up on my inbox as I pushed you down. It was beautiful getting in touch once again, solved a conflict with a school best friend, got to know the interesting deets about my cousins’ lives that I had no time for before. Well, it was amazing.
But, alas! While I pushed you down on my inbox, I still couldn’t push you down in my mind. So, I did the only thing that has always kept me sane. I wrote. And now that I’m a lot calmed down, I’ll continue writing, but the next thing I’m writing would be stories I left incomplete, not letter to you or poems about you. This is how I choose to stop your thoughts invading my mind.
And next time you hop to the top of my inbox, I won’t reply. Cause then, I wouldn’t have to wait for you to reply back. It’s a promise I’m making to the sanity of my mind, I won’t let you drive me insane again. I won’t waste even a single alphabet texting you, won’t lend you even the tiniest place in my mind.
Cause babe, I like you a lot, but I like being in control of my mind a lot more.
